Police Wife Life

Whether you are a law enforcement officer (LEO) supporter or not, the truth is there are millions of sworn law enforcement personnel working crazy shifts, unending over time, and daily seeing the most heinous things that tend to, generally, be limited to horror flicks. Their jobs are often high risk, demanding and relentless. But most love what they do in spite of the degrees of public affection or scrutiny. They will continue to suit up and go to work, determined to serve and protect their beats. It’s their passion; their calling. It’s the e-ticket ride pulsing constant fixes of adrenaline through their veins day in and day out wondering what the next call has in store.They must have every working faculty operating at full capacity, laser focus, great agility as well as physical ability. They must be “all-in” every shift. Anything less means they run the risk of not coming home. And many have not come home.

Yes, at the end of their shift, LEOs go home. They are tired and routinely spent. And so many remove their duty uniforms and return to their families, doing their best to rise to the position of husband and daddy. Their time at home is never long enough. They rarely get enough sleep. Chores capable of being completed by only them get dragged out because it’s more pressing to hold, change or feed their newborn, play with their toddler, take kids to school, or have a heart to heart with their wife or teenager, rather than fix the garbage disposal.

“They will continue to suit up and go to work, determined to serve and protect their beats.”

Police life is grueling on families in and of itself due to changing schedules, days off, shift changes and fatigue. Holidays and birthdays may often be spent before or after the actual date. Recitals and school programs are missed on many occasions. And family members can sometimes be less than supportive when it comes to celebrating without their LEO. It’s the wives who pick up the slack.

Living out the LEO wife roll is a very tall order. Law enforcement marriage is rarely balanced and more often than not, the scale is tipped heavy on the wife to pick up more than her share of family responsibilities. Saying, “I do” to a LEO or a civilian planning on becoming an LEO, is saying ,“I do” to sleeping alone at night and crawling out of bed to start your day as he is crawling in, raising kids alone a majority of the time, going to events, visiting sick family members and celebrating countless holidays and birthdays without him. Law Enforcement Officer wives (LEOWs) get used to eating dinner only with their kids, bathing them, reading them bedtime stories, checking homework, getting up with them at night, tending the animals, running copious errands, and planning parties, alone. The list is endless.

It takes a woman of absolute grit to rise to the demands of LEOW. And although we do not personally experience what our husbands encounter at work, like second hand smoke, we breathe in their stories drenched in the rise and fall of their countless highs and lows of the day or night - if they even choose to share.

Many LEO marriages are strained for lack of quality time, understanding on both parts, indifference, apathy, unmet needs, and all too often arguing ensues only proving to make threadbare hearts hurt even more deeply.

No, choosing to do life with a police officer often pushes wives beyond their abilities to reason and cope well for they, too, suffer from unmet needs and lack of sleep because there are never enough hours in the day to get ahead of their demanding daily grind juggling both parental roles.

Some LEOs are able to balance their home life with work and from my personal experience, they are the exception to rule. So many who live the Thin Blue Line have become master emotional “stuffers” and routinely suffer from undiagnosed PTSD, which is a very unforgiving beast spilling over into family relationships, giving birth to painful levels of dysfunction.

Most outside of law enforcement life cannot relate to the world we, as wives, live in. I have many friends outside of law enforcement I could call on for support or prayer at a moment’s notice. But if I am really struggling with my husband or our marriage, it’s more often than not that I will reach out to a fellow LEOW for support because they “get it.”

To keep our sanity, we need to periodically vent about our husbands dropping the marriage or family ball, their lack of an understanding ear, an argument that took place, things going on at his work that concern us, promotions, demotions, subpoena’s, court cases, dry cleaning, how to remove drug stench from uniforms. We joke about crazy things because it releases the pressure we bare.

This life has chiseled hard edges in us. It is not for the faint of heart and I absolutely believe each of has been called to the spouse we married. Easy? Not in the least. Challenging? Off the richter scale sometimes. Rewarding? an infallible yes.

Just recently, I shared something to an online LEOW support group, a group I’ve been part of for the last three years. My comical words were hidden behind “Bleepbleepcensored…” that was fueled by frustration, not wanting to expose names or details to protect the insanity of the perpetrators. My final comment was, “No advice, only volunteers!”

“Most outside of law enforcement life cannot relate to the world we, as wives, live in. ”

To a police wife, that’s a trumpet call to saddle up. One by one, each showed support in their own special and hilarious way that had me laughing in stitches for two days as the comments kept rolling in. I am so grateful for fellow wives who, like a Game of Thrones army, rise to defend, help and partner with a Thin Blue Line sister in need of encouragement because they know all too well the trials of what we face both personally and publicly, simply by two words we spoke, “I do.”

We are a hidden, behind the scenes group, but we are a force to be reckoned with. Someone hurts one of us and they hurt all of us, and most will never know or comprehend that type of camaraderie.

This is a shout out to my girls. Thank you. I love each of you to the moon and back. In my mess, you pulled me up out of the tar, washed me off and made me smile. You have no idea the gift you gave me - each of you, who I call my sister.

May the wind be always at your back and the sun shine brightly on your face. Each of you is an incredible woman.