Heart Beat

For he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword [gun and badge] in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. | Romans 13:4

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. | Matthew 5:9

The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion. | Proverbs 28:1

“There are no guarantees.”

It was about 10:30 on a midweek morning and I got the phone call every law enforcement wife dreads. Up until this time, my husband had worked graveyard shift. This was his first day with a new partner working dayshift. He commuted to work over an hour away and worked the station he had always dreamed of. He lived for the adrenaline rush and loved the fast non-stop calls.

The phone rang… Me: “Hello?”
My husband: “Hi”
Me (confused because he would never call during a shift): “What’s going on?” Him: “I was just involved in a shooting…but I’m ok.”

He proceeded to tell me there had been a standoff and the suspect had succumbed to his injuries.

Although so grateful he was ok, that shock jolted my life into perspective real quick.

There are no guarantees.

No matter how riddled with issues our marriage was, bottom line, I loved this man and was, loyally devoted to him. And I didn’t want to live without him.

When that incident happened, my husband worked a lot of overtime. We had one car. He would come home once a week so I could get groceries. If something had happened to him, I don’t even know how I would have gotten there, let alone what I would have done with our two small children had I needed to go.

Only married shy of three years, his words pierced my soul. My knees buckled and I crumbled to the floor. My entire world flashed before my eyes and came to a crashing halt. As I held the phone in my hand and listened to my husband’s voice, as if in slow motion and with heightened awareness I watched our two small children playing together completely unaware of the bullets that had just narrowly missed their daddy…

I wasn’t a christian yet but I did have a deep belief in God. I had recently made two friends who included me into their friendship. They had children the same age as mine so it was a good fit. Both were christian women. One had bought me a bible and began teaching me about prayer, ironically.

I learned to pray that day; to pray earnestly, to not stop praying. I read my bible every chance I got. I prayed with my two friends, I prayed by myself. I prayed with our children. I prayed out loud - all.the.time because I realized my husband’s safety was completely out of my hands. There was nothing I could do to keep him physically safe at work. Hoping and wishing didn’t cut it. So from that day forward I made it my mission to incessantly reach out to the ONLY One who could keep him safe.

Being married to a law enforcement officer is a roller coaster ride; their personality, the station they work, the calls they get, their work ethic, their belief system all contribute to how fast the ride goes. On a scale from 1-10, my ride has been an 11. 

Not only did my husband make that commute of over an hour one way without traffic for over 20 years, but he also worked a ton of overtime in order to afford us vacations, cars, and other extras. He was never home. He missed birthdays and holidays, school functions, and other significant events. I basically raised our three boys alone and I was bitter.

But he - like countless law enforcement husbands - is a warrior. He has committed to a life of selflessness for the greater good. Pushing beyond the lack of sleep, the thankless citizens, the ridiculous politics and the paperwork raked over with a fine tooth comb - these all become second nature to them over time. The chronic job stress and irregular work schedules are only getting worse with the ever increasing public scrutiny, blatant citizen defiance and now the onslaught of police murders. It is exhausting for them, for us, and all relationships are affected. They sacrifice themselves, their families, their time, and their peace. Why on earth do they do it?

They do it because they have been called to it. God refers to them as His servants for the good of others. and they have to vigilantly be many steps ahead of the crooks in order to stay alive. They are on high alert and in many cases, like mine - even at home. God infused these men with something special, something different, an ability that not all men have. They have been called, drawn and appointed by God Himself for this job. And what God calls us into, He equips us to go through. Both my husband and my son were born to do this job. It’s in their blood.

“They sacrifice themselves, their families, their time, and their peace.”

The saying goes, “Behind every good man is an exceptional woman." It takes a strong woman to be married to a law enforcement officer. We are a different breed as well. We are flexible, understanding and gracious. We deal with so much more than an average 9-5 household with set dinners, nightly baths and bedtime stories. We hold down both the fort and the family. And we do whatever we can to lighten their load. When we said, “I do” we said “yes” to their career. Law enforcement life can be more than frustrating, inconvenient and heartbreaking. But the pride that we hold for our husbands trumps all of that every time.

For a long time I blamed my husband’s career for his narrow mindedness, frequent apathy and unwillingness to compromise. But I eventually began to realize it’s easy for me to say, “Please switch gears when you get home” but it is very hard for him to do. Everyone is a suspect, question everything, leave no rock unturned. It can be very hard for our husbands to “switch gears.” My husband has an “A” type personality and likes everything a certain way as well. He is not easy to please and very easy to disappoint. However, after 25 years I am finally understanding it now. As the scripture above states, …the righteous are as bold as a lion. I never saw him the way God did. I was too caught up in my side of life to see him as a righteous lion, son of God and joint-heir with Jesus. I constantly frowned upon and judged his negative demeanor that was in fact, actually responsible for having kept him safe and alive all these years. The roars of this lion are responsible for putting food on our table, braces on three mouths, multiple missions trips to third world countries, two college tuitions, the list is endless. What I so often forgot during the years was that God called him into this profession. And instead of being humbled and thankful, I was chronically upset because he wasn’t home. Having no family or others to rely on, I handled everything alone. I was always tired and rarely had a break. But what I neglected to see was that he, also, was tired and rarely had a break. He wanted to be home, but I didn’t work so he couldn’t be home.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God (Matthew 5:9). Truly, I am learning how to recognize and appreciate my husband as a son of God and not a difficult cactus thorn in my side. It’s not easy, but then again, LIFE is NOT easy. And that’s why I cling to God - to teach me, to correct me, to stretch me beyond my comfort zone. It’s when I seek Him for my husband and my marriage that beauty is born. He gives me new perspective - HIS perspective which is where LIFE dwells.

I was blessed that day all those years ago. My husband came home. And he was safe.

I dedicate this to the wives and families whose husbands didn’t make it home; for the ones who are now in glory. I pray the blood of Jesus over the families who have been shredded because evil stole their law enforcement loved ones. I pray every evil act of murder, defiance and blatant disregard does NOT go unpunished by the Lord because He says vengeance belongs to HIM on our behalf. Sisters I pray our God - Who is HUGE, infuse each of you with supernatural strength, resolve of steel, tenacity, perseverance, backbone and true grit that you be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. I pray the gates of hell will NOT prevail against our husbands (and women) in law enforcement and these hate crimes will STOP! In Jesus name. amen.

Please download Prayer for Law Enforcement . It was slightly modified and taken from the book Prayers, available through my Resource page as well. Prayer wages war on the devil and I ask that each reader pray this prayer daily. God says where two or more agree, it shall be done. The bible also says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood but against the ruler of darkness. So let’s stand together and wage war on the devil. Because Christ lives in us, we have authority over the devil in all things. We have also been assigned angels to us that heed our call and are released at our command! I for one, am DONE with the devil waging war on our husbands. It’s time we collectively fight this on our knees - together in purposed prayer!

Song of the Day

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