Unanswered Prayers

Back in 1990 Garth Brooks released a song called Unanswered Prayers which quickly hit number one on the Country charts. I was twenty-two and had just gotten married, was finishing up my Bachelors and had the world, what seemed, at my fingertips. My life was awesome and I was grateful. But this song knocked me back a couple steps and really forced me to think about its lyrics. “Just because He doesn’t answer, doesn’t mean He don’t care; some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” 

At that time, I believed in God and I prayed, but I hadn’t invited Jesus into my heart yet. So my faith was there but hadn’t really begun to grow and the lyrics were curious to me because how in the world could an unanswered prayer actually be a gift?

The closest way I could relate to this song was regarding my biological dad passing of cancer four years prior. I knew there was no hope and so I didn’t pray for God to save him. In fact, I don’t remember praying about the situation at all. I just moved through it numbly and remained that way for quite some time after; just going through the motions of everyday life until my frozen heart began to thaw and my gray life came back to color.

I really struggled to understand those couple lines of lyrics. I regularly prayed but mainly for others I didn’t know; the homeless, the widows, the orphans, the drug addicts, but not that I can recall, for myself. So I never knew if God heard me or answered my prayers on behalf of the nameless unknown ones. I couldn’t relate to that song from a personal experience. I was emotionally detached with my own family of origin and rarely prayed for them or myself. I was just so thrilled to be out of it as a newlywed. Needless to say, I had never been in a situation where I had earnestly prayed for something having those prayers not answered. Maybe that’s why the lyrics embedded in my brain.

But now, presently, I have recalled those lyrics again, and this time on a deeply personal and human level. I still have not experienced unanswered prayers as a gift to my emotions but I am learning the beauty unanswered prayers have created in my spirit. In fact, although my unanswered prayers have been more along the line of long suffering, like the crocus bulb that lies dormant under the bitter winter snow. When the ground begins to thaw in spring, those flowers poke through before the snow has melted away revealing the breath taking life beneath the frozen ground. 

There is a beauty in unanswered prayers that lies deep beneath the surface of our skin. It resides in our spirit and intimately in our soul. Honestly, I have no idea what it would be like to have an unanswered prayer being a gift to my life emotionally. But at nearly half a century in age, I am slowly beginning to realize the meaning of those lyrics Garth wrote all those years ago. I had always thought, “Good for Garth that it worked out for him” which in fact, the unanswered prayer inevitably didn’t because his marriage with his first wife, which is whom the song was penned about, fell apart and now he’s married to Trisha Yearwood. Seasons always seem to change in one way or another - even for Garth. 

“There is a beauty in unanswered prayers that lies deep beneath the surface of our skin.”

So what do we do when our gut wrenching life changing prayers are not answered? What happens when our loved one dies, marriages and families fall apart, our bodies can’t grow life inside us the way they were intended to? What do we do when we are faced with insurmountable odds and WE KNOW GOD can step in and change the situation but He choses not to?

He chooses not to. We’ve done our part. We’ve repeatedly appealed and stood and believed and enlisted the prayer support of others. We’ve begged and written scripture after scripture standing on His word and yet, things don’t change.

Our faith is deeply tested. Our hearts are broken. We are weary and worn out from crying out to the only One who can change things. And He doesn’t.

The hard truth is, that is where the cross road is, my friend; when we are faced with the blatant unfairness of life. HOW do we move forward when our prayers have been unanswered and we feel our cries have gone unheard? Where are the solutions? Where are the answers? Where is the comfort from the endless pile of ever growing tear stained tissues? Which road do we choose now?

The answer to the unanswered prayer only lies in the One whom we can’t see; our Creator. And bottom line is, are we placing ourselves in His care? Do we trust Him? And do we trust His timing?

His word says in Psalm 66:10-12 For you, O God, you have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet You have brought us out to a place of abundance.

Notice, the amount of focus given to the trials - it’s 3/4 of the scripture! Meaning perhaps that just maybe the length and duration is needed for our growth. The remaining 1/4 says that not only will God bring us out but it will be into a place of ABUNDANCE! So just like that, God brings us out of it. The rain stops, the clouds blow away revealing the most marvelous rainbow amidst the bluest skies.

If we place ourselves in His care and trust Him, His promise to us is that HE WILL BRING US OUT of the fiery trial and into a place far better than we could have imagined or where we were prior to the trial.

Once we gain a solid foothold again, our anger subsides and our tears cease, we must go back to where we began; to the Lord. And trust that He is there with us and somehow He has allowed this trial in our life.

No matter how painful, how difficult and how extreme the situation, God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. His ways so often don’t make sense when they don’t line up with what we think should happen. 

“Once we gain a solid foothold again, our anger subsides and our tears cease, we must go back to where we began; to the Lord.”

It all goes back to whether we trust His plan. Are we willing to allow these situations in our lives to grow us closer to Him - no matter how painful or how long they take? Remember He is the Potter and we are the clay. Clay is not soft like playdough. It’s a tougher material and I wonder if it’s referred to in the bible because our human WILL can be so tough to mold and tame. 

The point is, in every challenging situation we face, we must learn to yield our will to His if we want His will and blessing in our life. That is the higher road that brings us through the narrow gate - which is always much more difficult than choosing a life of carnality apart from God.

Our Father is so gracious. He let’s us choose our own direction - with no condemnation. If we choose to walk away from Him because things get too hard or too insane to humanly comprehend anymore, it’s to our own detriment. But He allows us to walk away. But if we do that, His plan, His will and His purpose for our life will go unlived by us, which is something I simply can not bare in my own life.

What if those unanswered prayers are intended to grow us in a way that no other experience would be able to? Only God knows the plans He has for us, regardless if they make sense to you and me.

What if it appears that evil prevails in the circumstances and God chooses to not protect the innocent? What if a policeman was gunned down and killed in cold blood because he simply wore a uniform… and God allowed it to happen, as it has so many senseless times? 

Friend, I don’t have the answers. I wish I did so I could offer you answers on top of comfort in your situation. People haven’t had answers for me either and I’ve been forced to question the depth of my faith, my reality and the stability of my future countless times. 

But I can share what I have learned. No matter how deeply saddened or grieved we are, God is the same yesterday, today and forever and His TRUTH says:

• We are hard pressed on every side; but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-12 - even though we feel crushed, abandoned, and destroyed, His TRUTH says we are NOT…
   
• I will never leave you or forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 - even though we feel He has sometimes, His TRUTH says He has NOT…
   
• And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 - even though in the middle of the struggle, we may feel nothing good could ever possibly come out if it, His TRUTH says it WILL…
   
• When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2 - although you may feel like you drowned a long time ago and your world has long since incinerated leaving only cold ashes, His TRUTH says He is with us and will keep us safe…

Friend, pay particular attention to your feelings. All too often when life is challenging, our feelings have a habit of quickly taking us down the rabbit hole of despair and AWAY from God’s truth and promises. If you get stuck in your feelings, chances are you’ve distanced yourself from the Father in lieu of licking your wounds, which is exactly where the enemy would have you stay. It’s fine to reel and freak out for a small time but, realize it and get out of that emotional place. Staying there only serves to divide you from the promises laid up for you - which are GOOD.

And especially this scripture:

• Consider it pure joy, my bothers and sisters, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Oh that I could consider it pure joy when I face trials, especially when they are repeatedly the same ones. Obviously, I need spiritual work in this area!

I pout. 

I cry. 

I fall into a sea of self pity and once again become spiritually and emotionally paralyzed for a time. 

But after wallowing, I always end up asking myself the same questions:

1. Has God allowed this to happen? Yes, He has. And the truth is that He will NEVER give me more than I can handle. What He has called us to, He will equip us to go through.
2. Is this trial ultimately for my good and the good of others? Yes, because the word says He works all things for our good.
3. What is my goal? To follow Jesus - which is the higher road and through the narrow gate. It is ALWAYS the harder road which will ALWAYS produce God’s Will in our lives.
4. And lastly, do I want to be mature and complete, not lacking anything? My answer is always a resounding YES! And that means God is going to allow a lot of undesirable stuff to be thrown my way because He knows my heart’s desire is to yield, sometimes kicking and screaming, to His will for my life. The Refiner’s Fire is painful but it produces such a beautiful depth of soul and spirit that when shared with others, it projects a divine love that otherwise would not exist had it not been for the trials.

“our feelings have a habit of quickly taking us down the rabbit hole of despair and AWAY from God’s truth and promises.”

Beloved, He is there in the unanswered prayers. He hears our cries for help, as He heard His Son’s cries for help in the Garden of Gethsemane. His heart grieved for what Jesus went through on our behalf. His heart grieves when we face difficult trials that push us to the edge of ourselves. 

But you know what? He is there - in the midst of it all. His hand is outstretched for us to take hold of - if only we will trust that His hand is there and we choose to grasp it.