Offended
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Offend (verb): Webster’s Definition
: to cause (a person or group) to feel hurt, angry, or upset by something said or done
: to be unpleasant to (someone or something)
: to do wrong : to be against what people believe is acceptable or proper
In the Greek, to become offended means to become “entrapped.”
Offense has been called “The Bait of Satan” and there is an incredible book by the same name, written by John Bevere. It relays that as Christians, we are to be ever vigilant of not becoming offended lest we become trapped in the devil’s snare. Offense causes strife. James 3:16 says that where there is strife, there is every evil work. If you are routinely offended by others, chances are your life is riddled with negative thought patterns, words and and subsequent actions.
Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 12:16 The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.
Coming from a background of ill-equipped communication ability, I spent the better part of 25 years continually allowing myself to become offended by my husband; how he spoke, how he thought, how he responded to me and the world at large. Just about everything he did annoyed me. He, as well, allowed himself to be offended by the same things about me! We believed the worst, jumped to conclusions, made assumptions - most of which were completely wrong - and continued to choose to live in offense, always trapped in a web of heartache, pain, confusion and frustration and defeat.
It wasn’t until recently that God removed our blindfolds. The main problems were not the dumb idiosyncrasies we took personally and blamed each other for. The ongoing problem in our marriage was we had continued to walk in a spirit of offense instead of a living a victorious life guided by the Holy Spirit. We unknowingly sided with the enemy who divides and destroys instead of aligning ourselves with each other and Jesus, who unites and brings life.
“The ongoing problem in our marriage was we had continued to walk in a spirit of offense instead of a living a victorious life guided by the Holy Spirit.”
James 3:16 says that where there is strife, there is every evil thing. Offenses cause strife and division. This was our life for far too long. Sadly we had a worldly mindset that screamed, “What can you do for ME?!!” instead of, “What can I do for you?” It wasn’t until God’s grace began to really flood us with Truth about our “offended” lifestyle that we began to really change. It was like one day we were in the dark and the next day we were in the light. We realized if we did not change, we were doomed to repeat our multi-generational poor communication skills and broken thought patterns.
We choose the lives we live as adults. We have every opportunity to change things we don’t like. But first we have to be willing to change ourselves. I love the saying “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s so true. You can’t change anybody but yourself. Asking Holy Spirit how YOU contribute to the problem is the first step in owning your reality and ultimately changing it for the better.
Without Divine intervention coupled with the desire and willingness to change and grow, humans typically will repeat the patterns they have always lived, regardless of the situation. Alcoholics will continue to act out their disease, bi-polar, anger issues, the same, or any other degree of unhealthy coping and communications skills one has UNTIL, it is brought to their attention. Based on how their choices affect us, they will then CHOOSE to do something about it, or not. We cannot force them. Finger pointing and playing the blame game only creates more strife. It says to the other person, “You are responsible for my misery and YOU need to change!” Words of wisdom coming from my husband years ago said, “wherever you go, there you are.”
Basically you can’t run away from yourself and all the painful stuffed issues have illegally become squatters in your spirit - which is God’s territory! All that garbage is TRESPASSING on Holy Ground! That mindset DOES NOT belong to you anymore! If you are alive in Christ, you have the mind of Christ! Do you think Jesus thinks about ANYTHING negative or that would cause division? NO! We need to operate in the mind of Christ because when we don’t, we are operating in a worldly and carnal spirit of death.
You can run away from your marriage, your job, your family, but you can never run away from yourself and all the unpacked baggage you have. We all have it. But it’s our choice to unpack it. That is the painful part - owning our own skeletons and painful dirty laundry and then allowing God to clean it up. It’s HARD! It takes concentrated EFFORT! But in the end, unpacking that old baggage and enduring the painful memories brings new growth, knowledge and wisdom that can be passed along to someone else down the road.
I love God. He is such a gentleman. He doesn’t push. He invites. He doesn’t condemn, He convicts. And He is willing to take you as far as you are willing to go with him. For some people, He changes them over night. But both my husband and I drew the short straw in that department and we have been SLOW learners so it’s taken us a quarter century to see TRUTH and allow God to leads us out of the mountains of our painful mess.
When you feel yourself starting to feel offended, be aware that is the devil’s platform to cause division - to isolate and alienate you from loved ones. That’s what he does - he destroys. He lies, he cheats, he steals and he kills. In John 10:10, Jesus refers to him as “The Thief!” Thieves are cunning, calculated, pride-filled, self centered. Isn’t that what satan was and why he was kicked out of heaven and cast down to the earth? Created with every musical instrument inside him, Lucifer was the most beautiful angel in heaven and referred to as the morning star because of his brilliance. When he moved, the music he made was indescribable. His pride eventually got the better of him and he was determined to surpass God on all accounts. A third of the angels in heaven followed Lucifer and when he was cast down, his name became satan aka the god of THIS world. Know your enemy dear ones. He is a liar, a thief and a destroyer of you, your family, and your life.
Satan lied to me constantly and often said, “Kelly, that was SO RUDE of him to say that to you. He thinks you are nothing. Are you going to let him get away with that?” For so long, I answered that voice when what I should have been doing was recognizing who was behind the voice, the pride behind it, squashing it, then taking that thought captive to the obedience of Christ the way God says to in 2 Corinthians 10:5. Had I done that, I would have recognized the voice was contrary to God, seen the lie, realized the division it was creating and instead of responding in offense, would have responded in love, respect and understanding. I would have put my husband’s reaction above my own and asked more questions instead of assuming negative intentions. It would have made all the difference in the world.
But that was my ignorance, my lack of knowledge, my immaturity and my insecurity. Oh how much of that was wrapped up in not having my complete identity in God. Instead of realizing much of my husband’s actions were based on his lack of sleep, stresses at work, and frustrations about finances, I made his responses all about me - all the time. I was not his rock. I wanted to be, but you can’t be strong for somebody else when all you’re thinking about is yourself and how you've been wronged. Allowing someone else "make you feel" offended is really you giving away your power and allowing someone else be in control of you. In most cases, only YOU are in control of YOU. You have to a choice to either be offended or remain calm, cool and collected and realize the other person's behavior is usually about the other person - not you. You ALWAYS have a choice in how you respond to their negative behavior.
Every moment, whether it’s someone being horribly rude on the road, in line, at home, at your kid’s school, I encourage you to learn how to respond God’s way. You will not only be a blessing to the offender, but you will walk away having a sound mind and abiding in peace. Jesus can’t do anything with negative thoughts, words and actions. But He CAN transform your life and be your strength when you are weak if you choose to be His vessel and learn to play the game of life His way.
Father, I pray the blood of Jesus over each reader today. My fervent desire is for them to know Your Heart and that You are a good good Father. All your ways are good. You call us to be imitators of Jesus Christ, who walked in human form here on earth; who experienced every negative circumstance to the point of death. There is nothing we can experience that Jesus is unfamiliar with. He said to expect trials and tribulations but to be of good cheer because He has overcome the world, which means so have we! Lord, You are greater in us than than satan is. So let every reader ask You to be bigger in them today. We are more than conquerors in You. Oh how easy it is to love others who are kind and easy to get along with. I ask You to open our eyes and see the difficult ones in this world the way YOU see them; broken hurting and lost people who may be separated from the love of Christ. Your desire is that none should perish. Let us begin to see offensive situations that arise as opportunities instead of annoying inconveniences. Truly, You want to set us free from getting entrapped by the devil. We cannot be defeated when our constant hope lives and dwells in You. You are our safety. You are our refuge. Teach us Your ways O God. Search us and know our hearts. Test us and know our anxious thoughts. Point out anything in us that offends You and lead us along the path of everlasting life. Make us more like You Lord. Let us see what Your eyes see and then act accordingly as ambassadors of Christ. The road of destruction is wide. Let us choose the narrow gate of Your ways which will yield an increase in our lives so great that will it will be passed to a thousand generations. In Jesus name, amen.